“While grief is not fun to deal with, it is a valuable tool to bring about amazing change and growth. The key to this deep level of learning is attitude. How will you respond to the pain you’re feeling?” ~ Diamante Lavendar
During this pandemic, we have watched the news and read the reports of millions of people dying because of COVID-19. There is no doubt that many of them had underlying ailments and were getting up there in age, but the virus nonetheless ended their lives prematurely. The loved ones of all these casualties are experiencing grief. How does anyone find and secure hope while experiencing such grief? Let’s discover how we can find hope in our grief.
Since December 2019, I know several people who have lost loved ones due to COVID-19. I have officiated the funerals for some of them. The trauma experienced by so many is hard to bear. I watched my wife’s mother lose her two best friends and cousin within weeks of each other in 2021 alone. You add in the political divide, social unrest, and systemic racism; it leaves the entire world grieving.
How does one cope after losing their spouse, partner, lover, best friend, BFF, child, lifelong friend, etc., amid a worldwide pandemic? It is heart-wrenching and zaps the joy and zeal for life right out of you.
When someone experiences a loss of a loved one, we feel the need to say and do something. But, what to say or do? Not educated in comforting words, we default to our own stories, scriptures, sermons, and inspirational quotes, only to watch our words bounce off the wall of grief. Nothing, it seems, can help relieve the pain.
Grief affects every aspect of our lives, emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. Let’s face it, grief is painful and can leave us in a seemingly hopeless state of mind and heart. Our pain can cause us to experience a rollercoaster ride with our thoughts and emotions. Our thoughts and emotions will come and go, sometimes with no warning whatsoever. How long the cycle of grief lingers is predicated on many variables. If this has been a lifelong relationship, then the chances are grief will hang around for a good while. Grief has no calendar, but science and life experience validate that it does get better over time.
We must remember that grief is only temporary. There is a cycle for suffering, but we shouldn’t get stuck interpreting where we are in the process and the expected timeline for relief because it differs for everyone. There is no boilerplate template for the cycle of grief, despite the many attempts by the medical profession to create one.
Here are steps you can take to address grief:
- Pray: There is no better tool in the spiritual toolbox than to be in conversation with the One who has all power.
- Scripture: To put on the whole armor of God, we must be in God’s Word because that is one of the primary ways we communicate with God.
- Experience the Pain: Don’t deny it; the pain is real; allow it to run its course.
- Confess Your Pain and Hurt: It’s imperative to share your pain and struggle with others. Find a trusted family member, friend, or professional to confide in as soon as possible.
- Forgive Yourself: You must throw away the whipping stick. Don’t allow yourself to slip into morbid reflection with self-talk centered around what you coulda, woulda, and shoulda done. Don’t become apologetic to anyone for your sorrow, pain, tears, and longing for your loved one.
- Self-Care: You must take care of yourself by eating properly, getting enough sleep, and exercising your mind and body.
- Let Loose: It’s okay to self-indulge a little. Read a great book, watch a movie, take a trip, get a massage, get a manicure and a pedicure, go shopping, play golf, fish, go out to eat, find ways to have some fun.
- Plan Your Calendar Accordingly: Holidays and anniversaries can be triggers, so prepare yourself. Make sure you spend time with friends and family during these special days. Isolation is not your friend, so you must be proactive with your schedule.
- Seek Professional Help: God gave us doctors, pastors, and professionals for a reason. Make good use of them; it’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help; it’s a sign of strength. Search out support groups in your area. Celebrate Recovery is a great place to get help. Finding others experiencing grief can be an invaluable asset.
- Love and Service: As quickly as possible, ask God to turn your focus from yourself to providing love and service for others. There is no better medicine in the spiritual medicine cabinet than love and service; it works when all else fails. Get more involved with your church, volunteer your time at a charity, non-profit, or hospital. Once you are have healed, share your experience, strength, and hope with those still struggling with grief. You will be able to help when nobody else can because you will speak their language. There is great power in identification and the language of the heart.
Lord, I lift up in prayer all those experiencing grief of any sort. Please comfort them, be present with them, and heal them. Please reveal how I can be of service to those near me who need a friend to walk shoulder to shoulder with them as they go through the cycle of grief. In Your Spirit and Name, I pray these things. May your will not mine always materialize, now and forever. Amen.
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