In September 2015, our mother passed away due to lung cancer. She was diagnosed with stage 4 small cell cancer in the hospital, and she would never leave the hospital; she passed within eight days of her diagnosis. When I reflect on those eight days, my mother was rarely alone; there were people by her side most of the time. On the morning that she passed, I looked around the room, and the room was full of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. It was beautiful to witness the people who loved her rally together to care for her until she was gone.
A few days ago, a friend named Jimmy and his siblings lost their mother; she was 94 years old. Because of COVID-19, their mother and their family had a very different experience than my family had when our mother passed away. They were not allowed to be there as a family. And when my friend did go to see his mother on the day of her passing, he had to put on this crazy suit and then be sprayed down before and after his last visit with her. His mother knew that he was in the room, even though she could not open her eyes or speak. Her breathing intensified when she recognized her son’s voice speaking to her. I am sure that was a bittersweet moment for him and her. Many people commented after her passing, “it’s sad that she had to die alone.” But did she truly die alone?
Yesterday this same friend and I were on a virtual meeting together, leading a two-hour workshop with people from around the country and abroad. The subject of his mother’s passing came to the surface early on in the program. The people were loving and kind, as many offered their condolences. The comments “sadly, she had to pass alone” came out a handful of times. But then something beautiful happened—a couple of different women from around the country chimed in and reassured my friend that his mother did not die alone. In particular, was a lady from Colorado who has been a hospice nurse her whole career, and she shared with all of us that “we never die alone.” She stated that she had witnessed countless people in their last days and hours calling out to the names of those who went before them, as though they were coming to greet them and take them to the afterlife. These were comforting words for my friend and everyone else in the meeting.
Death is a reality for all of us. This current pandemic has taken the lives of 2.2 million people, and there will still be more to come. Because of risk management, most of these people were not allowed to have visitors once they entered the hospital, especially once moved to the COVID floor. I believe it’s fair to say that most of these patients experienced the fear of possibly dying alone as their condition worsened, along with their families. Being isolated from those we love creates tremendous stress on everyone involved, including the healthcare workers taking care of them.
When you reflect on the countless people who have died physically alone, it’s hard to comprehend. I am not referring to just COVID related deaths, but those who were casualties of war, accidents, other illnesses, crimes, old age, living alone, incarceration, and those left to die alone due to extreme dysfunction in their lives. So many people die physically alone, with the people they care about the most nowhere around. Have you experienced someone you love to die alone? Are you afraid to die alone?
If you are a person of faith, which I hope that you are, then you know that the Spirit of God is always present. The Creator of the universe, in a mysterious way, is with us at every moment, especially in our final hours. After listening to the hospice nurse share her experience, strength, and hope, I believe it’s fair to say that those that went before us are there by our side as well. They are invisible to the human eye but not to those transitioning from this earthly life to heaven.
The bible reminds us of the words of Jesus:
1-4 “Don’t let this rattle you. You trust God, don’t you? Trust me. There is plenty of room for you in my Father’s home. If that weren’t so, would I have told you that I’m on my way to get a room ready for you? And if I’m on my way to get your room ready, I’ll come back and get you so you can live where I live. And you already know the road I’m taking” (John 14 1:4 The Message Bible).
And from Deuteronomy
8 It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed” (Deuteronomy 31:8 NRSV).
This experience gives witness to the reality that our time on earth is short. If you die a slow death, you will wish for only one thing at that moment, and it will be for those you love to be with you. You won’t ask for your stock certificates, trophies, golf clubs, or any of your stuff; you will only desire to be with your people. If you want your people to be by your side during your closing hours, then you better learn to be by theirs. Whatever strife and grudge stand between you and the people you love, own it, face it, reconcile with everyone, and do it NOW! Life is too short; our relationships are all that matter and let us be reminded that we aren’t taking any of our stuff with us when we die.
The great news is both me and my friend Jimmy are in good standing with our mothers and our families. There are no longer any misgivings or hardships separating us, keeping us isolated and stewing over our family’s shortcomings. We cleared away the wreckage of our past and continue to make an earnest attempt to be the best family members we can be. We give all the glory to God for making this possible. Without God, neither of us would have been with our mothers in their last days, and we would have both ended up dying physically alone.
Don’t let that be you; get right with God, and then get right with the people in your life. It would be best if stop procrastinating and took the lead in reconciling with your family. You’ll be glad you did, and so will they. First, you have to get right with God. It takes two to say yes to a relationship, and God already said “yes” before you were even physically here on earth, and here is the best news yet, God is still saying yes; the big question is, “will you?”
My Creator, I thank You for always being by my side. Thank You also for being by the sides of the countless people who have perished physically alone, with no one they love holding their hand. Please help me face and be rid of the barriers and garbage that has me in conflict with those I love, so in my trials and low spots, I can be there for them and they for me. You created me for a relationship, a relationship with You first and foremost, and then with my family and friends here on earth. Please grant me the willingness to take all my relationships seriously from this day forward. In Your Spirit and Name, I pray these things. Amen.
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